Yume ni yume ni yume
by syren pan
Summary: Dream of a dream of a dream - Renji and Byakuya are about to find out that it is through our dreams we are able to face and acknowledge our true desires. Byakuya x Renji
1. Prelude

**Disclaimer**: Bleach © Kubo Tite No copyright infringement intended. Just borrowing the boys for non-profit fun. All characters depicted in sexual situations in syren pan's fan fiction are fictional and are intended to be and considered to be by the author of said material of the legal age of consent regardless of what age these characters may be in the material they are derived from.

**N****B**: The 'Tenten' and its owner as well as the owner's family are the products of my imagination.

~X~

**Yume ni yume ni yume**

**Prelude**

Renji contemplated the various reasons why his life presently sucked.

On top of the list was definitely being on his last bottle of sake. An excellent sake it had been, too. Drinking alone was no fun either. But given that Kira and Shuuhei were presently overstretched what with them having to fulfil the duties of acting captains for their respective divisions and all that, and the rest of his friends being off on special missions, it couldn't be helped. Therefore, Renji had squared his shoulders, and decided to carry on their weekly tradition all by himself.

Or at least that's what Renji told himself. Quite frankly, any excuse to get very, very drunk would do at the moment.

He had gotten a raised eyebrow from the owner of the 'Tenten', their usual joint, when he had ordered the full supply of alcohol minus pickles without being accompanied by his _'energetic, and when do they intend to pay off their tabs, thank you very much,'_ shinigami friends.

So, here he was: Abarai Renji, lieutenant of the the 6th Division of Gotei 13, blowing a month's salary on hard liquor which was unfortunately as previously stated by now almost gone. That was first class suckiness!

Followed closely by number two: he had no-one to confess to why his life presently sucked. Big time!

That, and oh yeah, maybe he should make that one number one really: he did not know whether he would still have a job come tomorrow, or a life for that matter. Because he... he had...

At this point his brain thankfully shut down because it simply refused to ponder the reason why his hypothesis of impending unemployment may very well be a valid one.

~X~

Not too far away from the 'Tenten', the 28th Head of the noble house of Kuchiki and current captain of the 6th Division of Gotei 13, haunted his own manor while contemplating what heinous crime he must have committed in his previous existence because his current life tortured him with challenges that were definitely disproportionate to his transgressions in his present incarnation.

Or as Renji would undoubtedly put it: his life presently sucked!

Renji...

Without meaning to, Byakuya increased his pace as if he could outrun the memory of his lieutenant leaning in, the feeling of chapped lips against his own, the hint of the tip of a tongue lapping at the corner of his mouth.

Renji had kissed him. And worse, Byakuya had permitted it. For ten seconds the insurmountable difference between them had evaporated into thin hot air as their breath had mingled and just by a fraction Byakuya had brushed his lips against Renji's in return.

At first he had tried to reason that it had been by accident when he had tilted his head to glare at his insolent lieutenant but he knew it was a lie.

What was it about people from Inuzuri that they kept invading his life? Worming their way under his skin just to make it all the harder to be Kuchiki Byakuya and bear the responsibilities that came with the name.

First Hisana, then Rukia and now Renji.

'Byakuya-sama,' the voice of his family's steward suddenly stopped him dead in his tracks. Nothing about his posture betrayed the fact that the man had actually startled him. But he immediately reprimanded himself for the lapse in vigilance and added it to the ever increasing list of why Renji was an unacceptable and dangerous distraction.

**To be continued**


	2. First Dream

**NB**: The 'Tenten' and its owner as well as the owner's family, Saito Rei, Usami Sasuke and the Itami clan are the products of my imagination. Also I have been told that this part can be confusing for the casual reader so I have given you pointers ~X~ ~X~X~ ~X~X~X~ to help a little but I think if I tell you what's going on it will only spoil the end. Just sit back, relax and enjoy the ride – it's the 'First Dream' after all. FB is appreciated.

**First Dream **

~X~

The owner of the 'Tenten' had been kind enough to have one of his twin sons drag Renji back to the door of the 6th Division quarters. It had taken all of Renji's remaining willpower to stroll past the guards and out of their sight without so much as a stagger. However, he had no time to congratulate himself on his acting talent because he had to throw up behind the next convenient tree.

As the nausea subsided, Renji began to feel very sorry for himself: no friends, no future, and no money to buy more sake to drown himself in.

But he suspected it was nothing compared to how sorry he would feel should he fail to turn up for work tomorrow and deny Kuchiki Byakuya the satisfaction of first sacking and then killing him.

No, he had to face his end like a warrior! He had only a few regrets at least not enough to turn him into a hollow after his slow and painful death tomorrow, and thankfully, he also had a vague recollection that his futon was somewhere in the immediate vicinity. He walked.

~X~X~

The sun was too bright this morning and made him blink a lot. Irritated and confused Renji found himself on the threshold of his office. He was not entirely sure how he had gotten here, just as he had only a foggy idea how he had made it back to his quarter the night before. But it seemed futile to wonder about unnecessary things when there was so much work to do.

Rubbing his eyes, he entered only to find his captain to be already sitting behind his desk. In an instant the previous day's events crashed down on Renji like a tidal wave.

'Good morning, Renji,' his captain's voice penetrated through the onslaught of memories. 'I wish to speak to you on the matter of what happened in this office yesterday.'

Renji could hear himself swallow which was funny because he could swear his mouth felt as dry as sandpaper. He desperately tried to say something but he could not will his vocal cords to force the words out.

Obviously, his captain took his silence as a cue to continue.

'Nothing happened.'

Renji blinked again. _What…?_ A tiny 'but' that was already on its way was cut off by his captain's baritone.

'Nothing happened and it will certainly never happen again. That is all, Renji.'

And just like that Kuchiki Byakuya walked out without so much as a glance back at his stunned lieutenant.

He did not have access to his captain's education nor his elaborate vocabulary and consequently the range of emotions that Renji experienced, although impressive and in some cases downright inspirational for the poetically inclined mind, went past without so much as a witty observation about fate and razorblades. However, his rather straightforward way of thinking gave Renji the advantage of being able to put even the most complex emotions into a nutshell.

'...Yay?'

He seemed to practically float to his desk. He would live and labour under Kuchiki Byakuya until the day he would surpass the man in battle and his dream would finally be fulfilled. And all because, although the kiss that never happened was forever chiselled into Renji's memory, it did not matter because it would not happen again.

_So, they were cool. _

_Well, good!_

_Good. _

_Yeah. _

Renji's smile slowly slipped into a frown as he sat down behind his desk. He lived because it never happened. He should be happy. Drink. Celebrate.

_'... and it will certainly never happen again.'_

_Damn_. He quickly reached for the first report.

A note in his captain's elegant handwriting was pinned to the front.

'Renji, this report is not satisfactory. I expect you to have it rewritten by noon,' signed, 'Kuchiki Byakuya.'

The 'and this time to my expected standard' went without saying. Renji rolled his eyes.

_That's my captain for you. _

_My taichou. _

_Kuchiki Byakuya. _

_...Byakuya. _

Renji caught his finger tracing the ink that formed the name he had never dared to use. Not like this. Not like his captain called him 'Renji', always had.

How did Ichigo do it? Address that proud man in such a familiar way without giving it a second thought? As if there was no such thing as rank or nobility. No rules that put everyone in their place. As if they were nothing but men.

_'... and it will certainly never happen again.'_ But...

'No, straying mind, don't go there! That way madness lies,' he mumbled out loud, trying to toss the piece of paper away, but that wretched thing had somehow glued itself to him.

When Renji, in a slight fit of panic, finally managed to rip the damn note off his forearm, it had already done its wicked deed. The mirror image of the forbidden name had imprinted itself onto his skin and claimed its own place among the road map that were his tattoos. It had the audacity to look good.

Renji closed his eyes with a heavy sigh. It was useless to deny it. Byakuya was on his skin, under it, inside him.

From the very first second he had seen the man, Renji had been bewitched and it had pissed him off to no end. If only he could grasp the unattainable, to touch the man that seemed forever out of his reach, he would be free again. To boldly go where only Zabimaru had gone before.

But he had done it, hadn't he? Even if it would never happen again? Kuchiki Byakuya was a powerful man but even he could not change the past, no matter how much he might wish for it.

Because something had happened and although Renji would have to pretend it had not, he was Abarai Renji and he could do in his own head whatever he very well damn pleased. Feeling strangely at ease and a little smug, Renji closed his eyes, and immediately, the previous day replayed in his mind.

~X~X~X~

Kuchiki Byakuya stood by the window, watching the new recruits excise through their morning routine under the tutelage of the 3rd and 4th Seat of the 6th Division.

From his desk Renji kept glancing sideways at his captain while semi-focussing on his paperwork.

'Renji,' Byakuya's voice finally gave him an invitation to openly look at the man. 'Have you ever wondered what your life would have been like if you had not made a certain decision that invariably changed it forever?'

That was a rather unusual question for Kuchiki Byakuya to ask. _'Since when do you give a flying toss what I think?'_ was the automatic retort that popped into Renji's head but he had learned long ago that this kind of honesty would not get him anywhere with this man, so instead he said something a little more light-hearted.

'You mean the 'what-if' game, taichou? Sure, we play it sometimes at the 'Tenten'.'

''What-if' game?' Byakuya asked, carefully pronouncing each word as if it was a volatile concept that needed investigating lest it blew up in his face.

After he seemed to have reached a conclusion he replied, 'I was not aware that decisions that fundamentally affect your life and that of those around you were a mere child's play,' and added after some further contemplation, 'I'm rather disappointed in you. I thought by now you had a better grasp on the seriousness of your responsibilities.'

'I do take my responsibilities seriously!' Renji shot back with more vehemence than was wise considering who he was talking to, so he added a bit more calmly, 'Taichou, 'what-if' is a game to make up some cool stuff that might have happened to you if you, you know, had asked that new recruit out instead of spilling sake over h… her or something.'

His captain seemed to ponder this answer for a while and just as Renji thought the conversation had ended, Byakuya said, 'So, 'what-if' you had decided not to walk on the path that was chosen for you? What if you had not joined Gotei 13?'

Renji frowned at his captain. 'Nobody but me chooses where I am going. I decided to become a shinigami because I wanted to.'

'You followed Rukia, did you not? And by the looks of it and taking your recent actions into consideration that hasn't changed, am I not correct?' Kuchiki Byakuya asked, his voice passionless as if he had not just laid his finger on one of the few spots that he knew perfectly well were still sore where Renji's feelings over their battle were concerned.

A little nervous about how he might react if this line of questioning went on, Renji fixed his gaze back on his paperwork before he pressed out, 'We decided together to become shinigami and she is my oldest childhood friend.'

Seemingly unimpressed by this answer, Byakuya continued. 'My point is, her very existence is influencing the decisions you make for yourself whether you are conscious of this or not is irrelevant. She is setting your path. So, what if you had decided not to walk behind her but decided your own fate instead?'

Slowly, Renji turned to look at the other man again. What his captain was saying was true. Wherever Rukia went Renji would follow. But that was only one half of the story.

Renji had spirit powers with or without Rukia. Sooner or later he would have decided to become a shinigami. Sooner or later he would have set his eyes on Kuchiki Byakuya and just as much as he was certain that he would surpass him in battle one day, Renji also knew that from that moment on his fate was sealed in all the 'what-if' verses that may or may not exist. In all of them, his decisions would always lead him back to the man standing in front of him.

For all their differences there was a connection, a bond between them that seemed to have been forged by hidden forces stronger than fate itself. But he could not possibly admit that to the Head of the Kuchiki clan who stood a mere three steps away from him, engulfed in the brilliance of the morning sun. Renji could feel an invisible something tugging on their bond right now, urging him to get closer to the light.

In sheer desperation Renji opened his mouth. 'Na, taichou, have you finally decided you regret accepting me as your fukutaichou and you are perhaps wondering: _'_What if I were to unleash Senbonzakura right now and have Mayuri-taichou get rid off the evidence for me'?'

Renji knew it was silly. You could never be sure with Kuchiki Byakuya but to his relief he noticed the almost not-smile play around the corners of his captain's mouth before the other man turned to gaze out of the window again. Slowly, Renji exhaled, feeling some of the tension bleeding away.

'I would not need the help of that person to dispose of your corpse, Renji,' Byakuya replied perfectly seriously, dragging the tension right back into the open from under the rock in the back of Renji's head where it had been trying to have a quiet cup of tea. 'My sword has never left enough evidence to identify my opponent's remains – with that one exception.'

'...of course.' Renji understood all too well what his captain meant. Even with his pain receptors blunted from the sheer adrenaline coursing through his veins, he would never forget that feeling of being ripped apart. That feeling of absolute defeat. He had been so ready to die then, to give up his dream, until the memory of Ichigo's resolve had dragged his ass back from the brink of despair. And finally, finally, his fang had reached the moon.

As if he had been reading Renji's mind, Byakuya tilted his head just a little to glance over his shoulder and added, 'Your pride matched my own on that day.'

Renji was glad he was still sitting down because he knew his knees had just turned to jelly. Kuchiki Byakuya had just ...complimented him?

No, it was more than that. Translated into normal speech, it meant that his captain had acknowledged him... as an... equal on that day.

Renji's chair crashed to the floor from how fast the red-head had gotten up, only to kneel in front of Kuchiki Byakuya, bowing his head to the floor.

'...taichou.' Renji was choking and he didn't care. Overwhelmed, he only dared to look up when Byakuya called his name.

He slowly raised his head. To his astonishment his captain was beckoning him to come closer.

Renji panicked again. Kuchiki Byakuya was just standing there in the morning light that made his hair shimmer like black silk, waiting for Renji to obey a simple non-verbal command and totally unaware what his mere presence was doing to the red-head. One of these days Renji would just lose it. He knew he would, and he silently prayed that today was not that day.

Getting physically close to the other man was exactly what he had tried to avoid ever since their battle because it was also exactly what he wanted.

That day had been an eye opener in so many ways for so many reasons for everyone in Seireitei and the real world. But it had been even more significant for Renji because it was the day when he had realised what he really wanted from Kuchiki Byakuya.

It had taken him a couple of days to process it but the answer remained unchanged, and it still scared him shitless.

However, he could not possibly refuse an order. Not now. Not after his taichou had just said those things to him. Thankfully, Renji's body had decades of experience how to bypass Renji's brain, and so he found himself standing next to Byakuya before he had reached the conclusion to obey.

They stood so close the fabric of the captain's haori was brushing against the back of Renji's hand. How could something so trivial feel so fucking amazing?

This was bad, really, really bad. Renji dared to move half a step to his left to increase the otherwise tortuously intimate space without appearing to be impolite.

Byakuya's voice cut through his increasing panic. 'That man, third row second from the left', the captain indicated with a short nod of his head.

Automatically, Renji's eyes followed the directions, only to land on a young man of average height, average features, and by the looks of it, average skills. In fact he seemed so average that Renji was half surprised his name wasn't Yamada Hanataro.

'I think his name is Usami Sasuke, taichou.' Renji was quite good at putting names to faces, and he did make an effort to learn the names of new recruits to make them feel more welcome because he knew his captain never would. Kuchiki Byakuya did not care for such things. Which was why it was an even greater surprise when Byakuya said, 'You will find that his name is Itami Seiji.'

_Itami... Itami... that name had a familiar ring to it. Itami..._

'Wait. Taichou, are you saying he is...'

'The first born son of the noble House of Itami, and heir to Itami Ito's seat in the Central 46 Chambers. Itami Seiji.'

Renji looked at the young man again. He still looked like a Hanataro despite the fact that he was a noble from a family that had served the Kuchiki House for a thousand years or so.

'Then how... I mean, I'm surprised his family let him enter the academy. Shouldn't he study law or something?'

'Indeed he was studying under Saito Rei until that incident three years ago.'

'What happened?' Renji asked. He had a feeling there was more to this story than his captain let on, and it had the bonus effect that it distracted him from the urge to grab his superiors haori and crush their...

'He disappeared.' Byakuya simply said, disrupting Renji's already derailing train of thought.

Renji frowned at the very corporeal looking recruit who was training basic sword techniques with his fellow shinigami. 'Well, he is back. Anyone got any idea where he has been.'

Kuchiki Byakuya turned to look at his lieutenant. 'Renji,' was all he said but the 'use your head for thinking and not just butting heads once in a while,' rang loudly and clearly in the red-head's ears.

If his captain only knew that it was akin to mastering a foreign language to decipher the older man's otherwise cryptic way of communicating, maybe he would also acknowledge that despite being a great warrior, Renji was also not completely stupid.

But his captain had already praised him above and beyond what Renji had considered possible today, so he decided not to push his luck and did as he was told.

_Three years, different name, shinigami._ Of course. 'He changed his name and joined the academy. But how can someone like him not get noticed?'

'He kept a low profile. Average achievements, never standing out, never causing trouble. ...all for a dream.'

'A dream?' Renji prodded carefully.

If you looked at Kuchiki Byakuya with untrained eyes you would think he looked calm, bored even, like a beautiful but untouchable statue. However, Renji could see the cracks in the mask. His captain wanted to talk about this, and Renji felt honoured that he had chosen to confide in him.

It was those little signs that gave away the real Byakuya. Like his not-smile, or the way he held his head a fraction more relaxed, the light in his eyes. _Fuck his eyes were so pretty!_

The real Byakuya, the passionate and impatient warrior, that Renji had had the privilege to get to know better in these past months, was here right now and Renji found that he wanted to spend more time in his company.

Lucky for Renji, Byakuya seemed to be in the mood to indulge him.

'Itami Seiji, first born son of the noble House of Itami, one of the six seats of judges of Seireitei, and therefore destined to follow in his aunt's footsteps, lost his beloved childhood friend to a hollow attack three years ago.' Byakuya explained, his eyes fixed on the young man in the courtyard.

'I see, so he wanted to become a shinigami to take revenge,' said Renji. 'Not a good dream but I can understand that a little.'

'That is incorrect,' Byakuya replied to Renji's surprise. 'At any rate for a noble the honour of our House always takes priority over personal affairs. Our dream and the wish of our clan have to be one or we are nothing and the world we have created and sworn to protect will descend into chaos.'

_So, no pressure?_ Renji thought, mentally rolling his eyes.

Out loud Renji asked, 'So what is Seiji's dream?'

'To fulfil his dead childhood friend's dream in his stead.'

'But how do you know all this, taichou?'

'Renji, have you forgotten that the Itami family has served the House of Kuchiki for twelve centuries? It is my duty to know about all matters that could reflect negatively on my clan.'

Kuchiki Byakuya's voice had taken on an edge now but Renji pressed on regardless. Of course he had not forgotten. He also had a fairly good idea what happened after Seiji's friend had died and before he had decided to disappear.

'Let me guess, Seiji came to you to ask for permission to join the academy instead of becoming a judge and you told him what you have just told me about being a noble and honour and all that.'

A part of Renji was almost gleeful to see his captain's eyebrows rise in astonishment that his oh-so-knuckle-headed fukutaichou could mentally connect the dots all by himself.

'Yes.'

Renji felt strange, very good and sort of warm, but a little strange. Maybe that was how smart people felt all the time? Maybe today was his lucky day?

His ego reassured, he added, 'But he decided not to follow the path that was mapped out for him from birth and decided to fulfil his friend's dream to become a shinigami instead.'

'Yes.'

'One last thing, was that childhood friend's name Usami Sasuke?'

'No, he must have picked that at random.'

_Damn. Still, two out of three ain't bad. _

Renji's pride deflated a bit but his brain was still on fire. 'But why did he join the 6th?'

Byakuya raised one elegant eyebrow. 'Itami Seiji's friend had dreamed of serving the same noble House as the Itami family,' and added somewhat more dryly, 'additionally, it seems the current taichou of the 6th Division has a reputation for not socialising with his squad.'

Renji had to bite his lower lip in order to suppress a chuckle as his gaze wondered back to the young man on the training field. It made sense. Someone as average as Usami Sasuke was not in any danger of ever being detected by a captain who regarded his squad members as necessary nuisances.

Even Mayuri-taichou took more interest in his underlings, for very unhealthy reasons maybe, but at least he made an effort to learn their names so he knew what to write on the specimen jars.

Out of the corner of his eyes Renji could see his captain looking at him before he said, 'By law I am required to expose him and, in the absence if the Central 46 Chambers, bring him before Yamamoto sou-taichou to be trialled and sentenced.'

Renji whipped his head around. 'Because he ran away from home and joined the academy to fulfil a dead friend's dream?' It sounded even more ridiculous to him when he said it out loud.

Kuchiki Byakuya turned slowly to fully face his lieutenant and took a small step closer effectively cancelling Renji's earlier attempt to create some space between them. Renji felt his captain's oppressing reiatsu unfolding around him.

He had no choice but to turn and fully face the man as well. Despite being five inches taller it was as if he was the one being looked down on. Truly, Kuchiki Byakuya was an awesome presence to behold.

'Itami Seiji, disobeyed a direct order from the leader of his clan and the Head of his ruling household. He blatantly put his own wishes above the well being of the families that are connected to him. He entered the academy with the express intention to deceive his fellow shinigami and superiors for his own means. Renji, are you implying that I should let his crimes go unpunished?'

Byakuya's voice had dropped and with it the room temperature. Renji had never felt so cold in the morning sun. Icy chills ran up and down his spine but he refused to be intimidated. His pride would not allow it. Instead he did what a warrior did best: he fought back.

Unfolding his own reiatsu to counter the other's spiritual pressure, he inched closer until he was literally in his captain's face.

'I am saying that it seems an awful lot of trouble for a dead man, taichou.'

'What are you suggesting, Renji?' Kuchiki Byakuya asked, his voice almost growling.

'Taichou, are you asking me what you should do?' Renji retorted, ever so slightly confused but in no frame of mind to back down.

To his surprise, the other's reiatsu pressure ebbed down as fast as it had risen, forcing Renji to calm down as well if he did not want to risk slamming his captain across the room. Ironically, the lack of spiritual pressure seemed to shrink the physical world which left them standing so close, Renji could make out individual shades of grey in Byakuya's eyes.

_'Oh please, don't let today be the day!'_ The red-head silently prayed in his head while he willed his body to remain still and listen to his captain's answer instead of allowing his hands to do what they had been aching to do for weeks.

'Don't flatter yourself, Renji, but I'm curious what you think of the situation. You are in a position to give me the opinion of a man who is not biased by his noble birth.'

Renji's heart slammed in his chest, almost drowning out the words because he could have sworn that his captain was staring at his mouth, waiting for an answer no doubt. Renji's unconsciously licked his lips.

'Transfer him,' Renji heard himself say, 'he has chosen his path and from what you said, taichou, there is no way back for him. Let Itami Seiji be lost and forgotten and remembered as the good first born son of the House of Itami. No-one except you and I need to know. Have him transferred to a mission as far from Seireitei as possible. Everybody will be happy that way.'

'And neglect my duty as the Head of the House of Kuchiki?' Byakuya asked back.

He was definitely staring at Renji's lips.

Renji had no idea how he managed to continue this conversation. _'It's because you are a stubborn idiot!'_ He heard a choir of Ichigos, Rukias and Madarames sing in his head.

'Taichou, you told me it is your duty to protect those in your care. Wouldn't it cause a scandal if it came out that the heir of the Itami house had joined the academy and 6th Division without anyone noticing until now? Wouldn't that damage both the House of Itami and the House of Kuchiki?'

He really wanted to scream or cry or do something completely crazy like kiss Byakuya until they would both pass out.

'Are you saying I should reward him for his insolence?' Byakuya's voice had dropped even lower. Renji had to dig his fingernails into the palms off his hands.

_'Please, not today!'_

'It's not insolence,' Renji replied, a little surprised to hear that he was obviously panting. 'He followed his pride.'

A visible shock ghosted over Byakuya's features this time. If Renji had blinked he would have missed it but this was not what triggered the following events. It was the smile: very subtle, just a notch above his not-smile, but genuine. It seemed to fill the otherwise stoic features with life that made Renji's heart ache.

'So he did. The order to transfer him is already on your desk. He will leave first thing tomorrow,' Byakuya replied calmly.

Renji felt stunned. Now it was his turn to fix his eyes on his taichou's lips when he asked, 'Why?'

'Because as sons of Seireitei our pride is what we hold above all else.' Renji could feel his taichou's breath on his skin.

'You mean you understand how he feels?'

'...Maybe.'

'I see,' was all Renji murmured before he finally closed the gap between them.

For several heartbeats, they remained perfectly still but Renji refused to give up. He had waited too long for this. He let his lips show this proud man what he dared not to put into words and after a small eternity, he felt Byakuya coming to live, gently brushing his lips against Renji's in return.

Today was the day.

~X~X~X~

'Renji!'

'AHHHH!' Renji's chair tipped backwards and the next thing he knew was that he was sprawled on his office's floor.

Kuchiki Byakuya's dispassionate face came into his field of vision.

'Renji, what are you doing?' His captain was frowning down on him.

'Taichou...' What could he say? _'I was thinking about our kiss that never happened and got horny?'_ Would probably get him killed dead.

Instead of answering the question, he scrambled back to his feet, grateful that his erection was well hidden in the folds of his hakama.

After brushing the dust off his uniform, he looked up and almost yelped when he found his nose being only an inch away from Byakuya's.

'Nnnh...,' was all Renji managed out loud before his legs were kicked from under him and he landed back on the floor, only this time with his captain crouched above him.

'Renji, I thought I had made myself clear earlier!' The words came out perfectly serious but stood in stark contract to his captain's actions.

_'Wha...?'_

One perfect hand was caressing Renji face as the red-head tried to form coherent thoughts, an effort which was further hampered by the other hand pressed against the front of his hakama.

'Do you want this, Renji?' Byakuya asked despite the fact that he could feel the evidence under the palm of his hand.

'Tai...chou...,' Renji stammered. It felt so good, just as he had always imagined it would. Byakuya stroked him through the thick fabric if his hakama, the other hand fisting Renji's hair that had probably come undone when he had been kicked to the floor.

Renji's hiss turned into a moan when Byakuya tugged his hair. 'I won't ask again, answer me!'

'Yes... yes, I want this. Want you...,' Renji panted the words he had held back for so long. The weight finally lifted from his soul, he found the strength to move his arm and reach for the other man in return.

Like falling into an icy lake, the shock froze Renji's blood as his hand passed right through his captain above him.

'Wha...?' Renji panicked as all his attempts to grasp the rapidly vanishing image of Kuchiki Byakuya turned out to be futile.

Renji found that he was unable to get up, his body felt like lead, as if someone was trying to pull him under the water.

'TAICHOU!'

'I told you,' the Byakuya ghost whispered, barely visible now.

'What... what did you tell me?' Renji choked, his lungs burning. _Was he drowning? _

'That it will never happen again!'

_No._

_No. NO._

'BYAKUYA!' With the forbidden name on his lips, Renji woke up.

~X~X~

Renji was soaked in sweat.

Judging from the faint light coming in through the window he made it ten minutes before sunrise. And about two hours before he would get sacked and then slowly cut to shreds by thousands of sakura petal like blades.

_Fuck._

He needed a shower.

Renji rolled off his futon and crawled towards the bathroom. He felt pathetic with a hangover headache in the making.

In some ways today was worse than yesterday, Renji mused while he let the hot water wash away the stench of nightmares after too much booze.

Yesterday, all he had to fear was that he would get sacked and maybe roughed up a bit, which was pretty bad but not end of the world bad.

No, today was worse because now Renji knew he would rather die than not have it ever happen again.

**To be continued**

15


End file.
